About the Creators

Jack "Porcelain Crusher" Berg
When he is not destroying bathrooms elsewhere, Jack resides at the University of Miami. Once considered to be a hindrance, Jack has embraced his lactose intolerance with open arms, and lots of baby wipes. He is going to be a pilot in the greatest Air Force in the world, his only concern pooping at 36,000 Feet. He won Mr. Universe and the Nathans hot dog eating contest in the same year. He is known as a mountain guide in the wildernerness of West Milford where he fought off a drunk naked teenager with a pillow and a cot. He has won the prestigious "rookie of the year" two years in a row at Club Weems. He regularly dines with Sean Connery and Bruce Willis.

G "That doesn't smell like mud" Money
Coming from a long line of destructive doodie makers, Gary is a legacy learner. He has inherited skills through DNA that most would kill for, posers have trained for years to try and duplicate his poo prowess and failed. They don't teach what he knows. He is currently a coach at a northeast college and when he isn't blowing up bathrooms he builds houses for the homeless, finds cures for constipation, and visits the nations capital, because he is that patriotic. Some of his notable achievements include being the 12-time World Champion of the annual Lavalette Bocce Tournament. He is also considered to be a Crabs Claw alcohol connoisseur and an asamble in the wine world. He once kicked Arnold Shwartzenegger in the balls for eating his cannolli.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Triumphant Meeting


Friends, it had been a while since I have last regaled you with tales of from the porcelain throne, there are many reasons for which I am sure the other creator of this site will tell you. Today I have returned for Miami and I have become re-acquainted with an old friend, when I got back to my apartment late last night I did not think much of it; turned on the TV and went to bed. This morning, however, I had the pleasure of realizing why my apartment was mine. My stomach grumbled with the last few days alcohol fighting back. 2 days full of Duckfarts (Layered shot: Kahlua, Baileys, Crown), Tequila (see left), Tabasco Blood Mary's, and White Russians. My time spent here all came back to me as I rushed to open the window and the blinds and headed for the bowl. Sitting here, right now, I am at peace. It just rained in the 305, I have a moist cool breeze running through my apartment, my window is near my bathroom so I feel that I am outside in the peace dropping logs. I feel incredibly comfortable here, almost a shit zen mode. I am happy.

-JB
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Friday, January 15, 2010

A Holiday Feast and Stomach Training

Men,

Happy New Year. I have a feeling the year of 2010 will bring stories of greatness from the contributors of this blog.

We have all been absent for quite some time and we can blame the holidays for that. Now it is time to turn back and step up our games.

I would like to be the first to touch on the holidays and the ridiculous amount of eating that goes on. The following story does not come from christmas eve or christmas...it comes from the day after christmas. With the spirit of the holidays still blooming the day after christmas we decided to continue the festivities with another day of eating. A post holiday relaxation day. Or so it was supposed to be.

Two families, 4 courses, naps, full stomachs, naps, desserts, wine, and naps.

A recap of the day that led to the shitting of pure Adobe Mud Bricks the next morning.

First Course: Antipasto (stuffed artichokes, red peppers, bread, mozzarella, etc.) and Vino

Downtime and more vino.

Second Course: Spaghetti, sausage and meatballs, more bread, and vino

Nap and a massive dump to clear the stomach for the next two courses.

Third Course: Shrimp Scampi, Veal Parm, Chicken Parm, Salad (Always have to be healthy), bread, and more vino

So full you feel the poop bricks building.

Fourth Course: Dessert, including cannolis, cream puffs, and many others and coffee

All that food for 10 people. All home cooked in one day and literally there was enough to feed half the country. That is how it is done my friends.

I tell this story to send a message to all of you out there. You must train your stomach to handle these types of RealMen meals. It would be unfortunate if you could not enjoy such a meal due to a full stomach and or constant pooping. Train yourselves to dump mid-meal in a situation such as this. You dont want to be that guy that sits out a course.

Yes, you may shit a brick te next day, but that brick will be the result of a days worth of eating that you cannot miss out on.

More to come,
G
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