1482- Magellan travels around the world
1804- Lewis and Clark Explore the West
1953- Sir Edmund Hillary Climbs 29,029ft at Mt. Everest
1969- Armstrong and Aldrin land on the moon
2010-JB pinches a massive log 60 feet under the Atlantic Ocean
This weekend friends, was a glorious one. Whilst working (on a boat) I felt the familiar grumblings of the previous nights Ribs and PBR, their trapped souls trying to escape from my underbelly. Now, as a classically trained pirate I am very familiar with the sea, if you are not, I would like to bring you up to speed. Toilets on the high seas are small, on the cramped inside of a rolling boat. The smell of the person who shit before you, mixed with your own brand, mixed with a small closet, mixed with a small bowl, mixed with darkness, mixed with rolling boat- not to sound like a shit snob, but I try to hold it in.
On this day Gents I chose to break free and become one with the Ocean. Instead of the nightmare describe above, I threw on my scuba gear dove to the bottom of the ocean, took off my gear with just the air hose and dropped my draws. Yes folks, I was squatting on the bottom of the Atlantic, junk waving in the current, I felt all of the oceans creatures, all of their energy, their grace, and then I pinched a MASSIVE log. Now men, under the ocean, objects look 25% bigger, it looked like a shit an arm. The beauty of shitting under water is 3 fold: 1) The increased pressure means you barely have to push 2) The increased pressure causes the dookie to stick together an keep its shape 3) The natural current just flushes it away. I wish someone could have been video taking me down there laughing with my pants down as this huge log tumbled across the sandy bottom.
Does this put me on a level with the explorers listed above? Yea, I am a Man, and I shit on the bottom of the ocean.
- JB
- JB
Questions from a fellow veteran pooper in response to the underwater attack by JB:
ReplyDeleteDid you wipe? If so, how? Is there some sort of underwater toilet paper we don't even know exists? If not, should and can we invent it for scuba divers?
On a more general note, what do other divers do when they are underwater and have to take a shit and don't have time to make it back up to the surface?
JB, what do you do when your dive partner is a nice looking lady who you may or may not be slipping the italian sausage, do you still drop trouser and take the shit while she is right next to you?
Regarding Cave Divers, what do they do? Can you lay a log in your wetsuit?
The following questions were brought to my attention by a veteran pooper of over 50 years. Well thought out and hopefully JB has some answers for this fellow man.