About the Creators

Jack "Porcelain Crusher" Berg
When he is not destroying bathrooms elsewhere, Jack resides at the University of Miami. Once considered to be a hindrance, Jack has embraced his lactose intolerance with open arms, and lots of baby wipes. He is going to be a pilot in the greatest Air Force in the world, his only concern pooping at 36,000 Feet. He won Mr. Universe and the Nathans hot dog eating contest in the same year. He is known as a mountain guide in the wildernerness of West Milford where he fought off a drunk naked teenager with a pillow and a cot. He has won the prestigious "rookie of the year" two years in a row at Club Weems. He regularly dines with Sean Connery and Bruce Willis.

G "That doesn't smell like mud" Money
Coming from a long line of destructive doodie makers, Gary is a legacy learner. He has inherited skills through DNA that most would kill for, posers have trained for years to try and duplicate his poo prowess and failed. They don't teach what he knows. He is currently a coach at a northeast college and when he isn't blowing up bathrooms he builds houses for the homeless, finds cures for constipation, and visits the nations capital, because he is that patriotic. Some of his notable achievements include being the 12-time World Champion of the annual Lavalette Bocce Tournament. He is also considered to be a Crabs Claw alcohol connoisseur and an asamble in the wine world. He once kicked Arnold Shwartzenegger in the balls for eating his cannolli.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Lingerer

First off, I would like to thank a fellow brother, JB, for the wake up call this morning. I had to get to work by 730 this morning and managed to turn off my alarm in my morning daze. Luckily, lately we have been swapping morning pooping insight and I got the story for the morning around 645 am. An excellent wake up call that saved my ass from being late.

Secondly, this morning I experienced "the restroom lingerer". Below our offices is the first floor bathroom, which contains only one shitter. I fear going down there every morning as I hold back the turtle trying to poke his head out that someone will be on my thrown I have grown to love at work. This morning, like most days, it was early enough that the can was free. I sat down to do the business as I here the bathroom door open. To let the guy know I was in there I throw out the basic fake "cough cough". Almost an alert to someone that you are there so they dont try busting in the door. Well the alert didn't work and he went for the stall door anyway so I told him I was in there.

I realize shortly after that the guy is lingering outside the stall waiting for me to finish up my dump. I thought, "you know what, this is my time. This is my morning dump and I refuse to be rushed." I figured he would linger for a minute and then leave, but he refused to go. So after a few minutes, yes I take long dumps in the morning, I decided to speak up. I said, "listen man this isn't going to be done anytime soon so you might want to go to another bathroom." Using very poor bathroom etiquette, he chose not to respond, gave out a big pissed off huff, and then left slamming the door behind him.

I went back to playing brickbreaker, finished out a few thoughts, and finished up.

I feel I made the right choice. I figure, I saved him the time of waiting and holding in a shit which we all know sucks and saved him from taking a dump after me which is probably an awful experience and of course does not smell like roses despite what I may tell you.

If you find a lingerer in the bathroom you are shitting in, speak up, let him know what's up, and if he doesn't appreciate it then screw him. Maybe one day he will realize how lucky he was that you spoke up and saved him from the traumatizing experience of taking a dump after you.

Have a great day,

G Money
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