The Changing Times

As I sat this morning with the window open and a draft coming over the can, I found myself thinking about a lot of things. Mid thought, my phone goes off. Angry at the interruption, I couldn't help but think about the ways in which technology has taken away from a mans time to think on the john. Whether it is texting, brick breaker, phone calls, etc. all of these things take away from the one place where we do our best thinking. Some of the greatest inventions of all time were thought of on the toilet: the waffle maker, the snuggy, electricity, george forman grills, the game of darts, and countless others. But lately these kinds of things have taken a drastic decline in our world. So today fellas, put down your phone or whatever it may be, don't take it on your morning journey to what could be an invention of greatness. Embrace our arena of thought.

GM

While walking down a small hallway heading towards porcelain bank to make a deposit, a female friend of mine began to follow me. I was already in full stride with my eyes on the prize and I was stinking up the hallway for sure. When I gave her fair warning to wait at the other side of the hallway for a while to let it air out, she gave me the "ew gross" reaction and continued down the hallway without heeding my warning. She was quickly turned around and "ew gross" turned into "what the fuck I'm going to puke". Moral of the story, if you are lucky enough to receive a gas warning, do what your friend says. Friends don't let friends walk into their gas cloud without a warning first, its just the right thing to do. -JB

Poop Hammock

This afternoon I was introduced to the Poop Hammock. Here is how it works:

While at a party with plenty of intoxicated people, a man goes into the bathroom lifts up the toilet and strategically places toilet paper across the bowl to create wall between the water and someones butt. He then closes the seat back down over the paper. An intoxicated person comes in to drop a heater and ends up either leaving the doody on the hammock without knowing it or running into a little trouble once they realize they are sitting in their own doody.

You learn something everyday. Always keep an open mind.

As I woke up this morning I found myself craving a nice cool breeze. So with a morning stew brewing, I approached the throne. Little to my knowledge, the temperature had dropped last night, and as I set up shop I felt a cool breeze coming through my window directly over the can. I thought to myself, what does the perfect dump involve? A cool breeze reducing any chance of busting beads while enjoying weight release was one of the first things to come to mind. So for all you people out there, when building a bathroom consider building a window at toilet level to allow the cool flow of a morning breeze over the throne while you take a non-sweaty dump.

Life is beautiful. What a great start to the day.

The Morning Workout

Waking up at 6 AM to work out with my peers has never been an issue, but they just can't seem to understand why after running for a mile I disappear. They think I'm breaking out because I'm out of shape, when in reality I'm going to get a work out of a different type. To me there is nothing grosser then running into a bathroom to work out, still breathing hard, and sweaty as hell, only to sit down, slide all over the seat, and take a nice sweaty dump. When I return to the track and I run much faster, but I fear for the safety of those in my wake because, lets be serious, when I am forced into poopin' on the fly, there is always some a residual gas. My thought for this morning- JB

Welcome!

Welcome to the Everyday Man's Thoughts on Pooping! On this blog a couple of regular guys will be sharing their thoughts on crapping, ideas while pooping, the finer points of shitting, global issues as seen from the throne, and the heaviest of subjects while we drop weight! Enjoy!