About the Creators

Jack "Porcelain Crusher" Berg
When he is not destroying bathrooms elsewhere, Jack resides at the University of Miami. Once considered to be a hindrance, Jack has embraced his lactose intolerance with open arms, and lots of baby wipes. He is going to be a pilot in the greatest Air Force in the world, his only concern pooping at 36,000 Feet. He won Mr. Universe and the Nathans hot dog eating contest in the same year. He is known as a mountain guide in the wildernerness of West Milford where he fought off a drunk naked teenager with a pillow and a cot. He has won the prestigious "rookie of the year" two years in a row at Club Weems. He regularly dines with Sean Connery and Bruce Willis.

G "That doesn't smell like mud" Money
Coming from a long line of destructive doodie makers, Gary is a legacy learner. He has inherited skills through DNA that most would kill for, posers have trained for years to try and duplicate his poo prowess and failed. They don't teach what he knows. He is currently a coach at a northeast college and when he isn't blowing up bathrooms he builds houses for the homeless, finds cures for constipation, and visits the nations capital, because he is that patriotic. Some of his notable achievements include being the 12-time World Champion of the annual Lavalette Bocce Tournament. He is also considered to be a Crabs Claw alcohol connoisseur and an asamble in the wine world. He once kicked Arnold Shwartzenegger in the balls for eating his cannolli.

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Traveler

Today, I would like to bring to the discussion table an issue that has been facing men since the ice age. To put "the traveler" into perspective I would like to share a story, which i'm sure will hit home for many.

It is Sunday afternoon...you are at a friends place with a bunch of buddies and some ladies. The day is going well...your team is winning...you're talking it up with a fine lady sitting next to you. You try to not to break the seal, but the beer keeps flowing, and eventually you just have to go. After two trips to the pisser, the beer begins shifting from making you have to pee to making you have to fart. Now comes the trouble. You can't fart in the living room. So on your next trip to the bathroom, you figure you will just drop a few air biscuits. Safe, right? Not if "the traveler" is in effect. You take your piss, drop a few silent duds, and things seem great. But then you realize the stench...your personal scent...is traveling around your pants and all the exhaust has not escaped. While everything went well in the bathroom, you begin to think that when you go back out to the couch next to your lady friend and sit down, the remaining exhaust will be released upon impact with the couch.

How to handle this situation? Until someone invents a fan that keeps gas from floating around in the draws and pants and can push it out immediately, here is the best solution i have come up with. Drop it all. When you go to take your piss, drop everything and stand there bare naked while pissing. Yes, you may look like a two year old who just dropped it all to take his first piss, but when you fart, your gas will float freely through the air of the bathroom rather then travel through your pants. Make sure the door is locked...because if someone comes in and sees you taking a piss with your pants and draws wrapped around your ankles some questions might need to be answered.

Watch out for "the traveler".

G

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