There's No Place Like Home!

In my first contribution to this blog I would like to broach a subject in which every man must unfortunately encounter in his life, the dump away from his customary throne at home. We all have come to know and love our pooper at home, it's like another family member. We know the personality of our toilet and all of it's little nuances: the smell, the shape, the feel, the height, the flush, etc. It's nice to know, with a relative sense of certainty, if the monster you just dropped will go down; with or without TP, or even at all.

So when we are thrust into a situation where a new toilet has now entered into the mix, we are caught off guard and thrown out of our comfort zone. This is NOT a good feeling by any means. Of course some situations are inherently worse than others and that depends on many factors. For example public restrooms are animal in it of itself, they are as unpredictable as they come, but usually pack enough punch in terms of flush. The beloved port-o-john is another beast, which can range for a pristine beauty to an overused, ugly mess (aka the port-o-johns on the last day of camp). A sweltering day can make even a clean port-o-john unbearable as the temperature doubles in the plastic box, now your drenched in sweat and breathing in fecal fumes. Then you have the friend/girlfriend/other house toilet. As you approach this uncomfortable situation many questions pop into your head. First thing that comes to mind here is flush power. Will this baby pack enough punch to send the monster into the bowels of hell? Is there a plunger close by? Is there any spray? What is the strength and feel of the toilet paper? Is this the only bathroom? Is anyone waiting or in the blast radius? What's the ventilation situation?

For example, when at the gf's college house many factors make my business uncomfortable. First, there is only one bathroom (wtf). Second, its on the second floor next to all the girls rooms. Finally, the kicker, the door is about a good 2 inches off the floor leaving a nice gap for air and sound to easily travel through. Adding to that, the door doesn't even shut properly as the doorknob is broken making a small latch and hook ( which leaves another 1 inch gap along the long side of the door) the only thing keeping that door closed. I mine as well be shitting in the middle of the fucking hallway. As you can see it is a unpleasant situation, which causes me to take quick, unfinished dumps, in which I must hold back from really letting it fly. This totally messes with my Feng Shui (pronouced "fung shway" for those uncultured people).

So Men, I want to leave you with this little bit of advice. When your at home, enjoying your home field advantage, you must revel in the moment. And make sure to fully appreciate this optimal situation, because you never know if the next will be, quite this good. There truly is no place like home.

Good shitting to all
PP