About the Creators

Jack "Porcelain Crusher" Berg
When he is not destroying bathrooms elsewhere, Jack resides at the University of Miami. Once considered to be a hindrance, Jack has embraced his lactose intolerance with open arms, and lots of baby wipes. He is going to be a pilot in the greatest Air Force in the world, his only concern pooping at 36,000 Feet. He won Mr. Universe and the Nathans hot dog eating contest in the same year. He is known as a mountain guide in the wildernerness of West Milford where he fought off a drunk naked teenager with a pillow and a cot. He has won the prestigious "rookie of the year" two years in a row at Club Weems. He regularly dines with Sean Connery and Bruce Willis.

G "That doesn't smell like mud" Money
Coming from a long line of destructive doodie makers, Gary is a legacy learner. He has inherited skills through DNA that most would kill for, posers have trained for years to try and duplicate his poo prowess and failed. They don't teach what he knows. He is currently a coach at a northeast college and when he isn't blowing up bathrooms he builds houses for the homeless, finds cures for constipation, and visits the nations capital, because he is that patriotic. Some of his notable achievements include being the 12-time World Champion of the annual Lavalette Bocce Tournament. He is also considered to be a Crabs Claw alcohol connoisseur and an asamble in the wine world. He once kicked Arnold Shwartzenegger in the balls for eating his cannolli.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Rough Night, Good Morning

Whiskey filled nights. We all love and hate them, they can be the most fun, and the most anger filled. After a night of heavy drinking and good times to be followed by warring with those around you, I wake up with a hungover. I'm in a land of uncomfortable feelings mentally and physically. I quickly begin to handle the hangover with a cup of coffee and aspirin, but the sour taste of the last nights encounter still linger. Then it happens. The coffee bubbles, my stomach twitches, and I'm back home. My body says "enough of this" and sends me to my place of peace. A short 15 minutes later I'm back at neutral. Pooping has always been a cleansing experience, sometimes I forget that its not only a physical cleansing, but a mental cleansing as well. I'll leave you with this, when things don't go as you want them to, remember that soon enough you will be purging yourself of your garbage, mental or physical at some time. Don't forget how much taking a dump means to you, sometimes we take it for granted, but when we need it to flush out our toxins, it does a damn good job. For that I say thank you colon.

"When life gives your lemons, say fuck the lemons and bail" or take a huge shit and move on. -JB
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3 comments:

  1. Philly POctober 7, 2009 at 11:14 AM

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  2. Philly POctober 7, 2009 at 11:16 AM

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  3. Philly POctober 7, 2009 at 11:31 AM

    To: The Honorary Mr. JB

    First off, I am both honored and proud to be the first commenter on this magnificent work of art. Now to the matter of business.

    Not to break balls or anything, but I figured an astute student of the great University of Miami would be above this. "I wake up with a hungover", is this a new phrase that all you Miamian's use? If so I will begin use immediately as to try to stay as current and cool as you. If not, then I suggest this new invention called proofreading.

    From
    A Concerned Reader

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