About the Creators

Jack "Porcelain Crusher" Berg
When he is not destroying bathrooms elsewhere, Jack resides at the University of Miami. Once considered to be a hindrance, Jack has embraced his lactose intolerance with open arms, and lots of baby wipes. He is going to be a pilot in the greatest Air Force in the world, his only concern pooping at 36,000 Feet. He won Mr. Universe and the Nathans hot dog eating contest in the same year. He is known as a mountain guide in the wildernerness of West Milford where he fought off a drunk naked teenager with a pillow and a cot. He has won the prestigious "rookie of the year" two years in a row at Club Weems. He regularly dines with Sean Connery and Bruce Willis.

G "That doesn't smell like mud" Money
Coming from a long line of destructive doodie makers, Gary is a legacy learner. He has inherited skills through DNA that most would kill for, posers have trained for years to try and duplicate his poo prowess and failed. They don't teach what he knows. He is currently a coach at a northeast college and when he isn't blowing up bathrooms he builds houses for the homeless, finds cures for constipation, and visits the nations capital, because he is that patriotic. Some of his notable achievements include being the 12-time World Champion of the annual Lavalette Bocce Tournament. He is also considered to be a Crabs Claw alcohol connoisseur and an asamble in the wine world. He once kicked Arnold Shwartzenegger in the balls for eating his cannolli.

Friday, October 9, 2009

When Allies Become Enemies

Men, we all have our allies in this life, those we can always rely on in our time of need. Your parents, a friend, or a shot of whiskey. What happens when those assets you hold so dear turn on you?

After a long day of work when you lay in bed, is there no better feeling then to squeeze out a fart under the covers? I think not, a nice air horn under the sheets in the perfect end, you now know that you can go to sleep gas free. Until that friend, that ally you always rely on, turns on you. Friends, you know a new level of tired when you squeeze, urn for that pre-sleep fart, that then it stabs you in the back like a modern day shit Judas, the brown-downtown Benedict Arnold. I just sharted, in my bed. What the hell happened? What did I do to deserve this? Just as I was about to close my eyes the fucking japs pearl harbored my boxers. But I'm so tired... Can I sleep through this?...really? Am I really considering sleeping through a shart? Yes, Yes I did, thank god I made the right choice and went for the wet wipes. That was close.

JB
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1 comment:

  1. Philly POctober 13, 2009 at 6:35 PM

    It was actually the Germans who bombed pearl harbor, idiot.

    ReplyDelete

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